Depression

I’ve lived with depression all my life on and off. The last few years have been the worst and it’s led me to make some dubious decisions and it’s cost me dearly. Promotions, happiness. And now it seems my marriage.

I sit here looking out at the wildlife, pondering how I could have done things differently and I can’t help but wonder how things could have turned out if I’d gotten help when it was offered.

Suicidal thoughts have dominated my mind most days and it’s only through the love of a good woman and the solice that I’ve found in my writing that has carried me on. Now that’s come to an end and I have to decide where I go from here.

It’s peaceful here and listening to the moorhens going busily about their business, and the rustling of leaves as a water vole scurries around behind me does any of it come into any clarity. Ultimately, it’s all a struggle for survival. A struggle to live, to eat, to find a place in the world. To find a mate and to find love.

I buried myself in my work and my writing, hoping to fill the void, but those were just placebos.

The advice to talk to your partner and friends maybe too late for me but please don’t let it be to late for you dear reader. Take your love by the hand and talk to them! Tell them how you feel. Your loves, your fears, your hopes, dreams and nightmares. Don’t bottle it all up and hope it’ll all go away by morning. it won’t. It’ll build until it eats you up.

Communicate with each other. Let them know you love them daily and never, ever let them them think you don’t care.

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